You made me cry and you don't even care
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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