every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
