If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
