We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
