i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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