i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
