Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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