Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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