YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
