I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
