omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
