Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
