Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
