can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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