i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
