Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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