hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
