Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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