you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
