I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Randomize
