READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
