he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
