Princesses don't give blow jobs
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
