Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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