i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
