omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
