I'm lost and stupid without you.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
