Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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