he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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