She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
