When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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