I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
