tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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