i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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