ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
