Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize