i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Never joke about your clitoris.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
