So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
