Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
