so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
