woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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