I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
