GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
