I seem to have left my pride at pride
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
