Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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