He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
