This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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