do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
