that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
