Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
