My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
