Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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