she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
