sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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