I have demons in me.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
