I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
