"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Who died my cat blue again?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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