Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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