i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
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I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
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