So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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