I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.