kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
