I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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