we have pet lesbian snakes
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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