so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference