you guys were way drunker than both of me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.