Texts From Last Night

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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.

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  (302): I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers. http://tfl.nu/ujt7
  Replies (13) Good night (601) Bad night (3277)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  are you high?

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  (402): what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers (1-402): are you high? http://tfl.nu/fjf1
  Replies (36) Good night (12380) Bad night (823)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm

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  (954): I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm http://tfl.nu/muws
  Replies (8) Good night (3785) Bad night (1108)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.

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  (865): I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is. http://tfl.nu/unb6
  Replies (13) Good night (4795) Bad night (1281)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.

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  (217): You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information. http://tfl.nu/61w8
  Replies (6) Good night (4572) Bad night (784)
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  (925): View more from California

  I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??

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  (925): I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing?? http://tfl.nu/da8e
  Replies (14) Good night (3669) Bad night (848)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor

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  (906): scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor http://tfl.nu/aosr
  Replies (9) Good night (1803) Bad night (1251)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.

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  (705): Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M. http://tfl.nu/1ch5
  Replies (2) Good night (1638) Bad night (895)
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  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..

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  (+64): I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom.. http://tfl.nu/wie2
  Replies (6) Good night (1210) Bad night (574)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food

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  (978): i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food http://tfl.nu/q8kr
  Replies (7) Good night (1038) Bad night (1339)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.

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  (906): Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too. http://tfl.nu/qk1z
  Replies (10) Good night (1225) Bad night (667)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.

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  (605): I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies. http://tfl.nu/al7b
  Replies (2) Good night (1816) Bad night (442)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.

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  (304): It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town. http://tfl.nu/067f
  Replies (14) Good night (585) Bad night (863)
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  (347): View more from New York

  She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.

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  (347): She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina. http://tfl.nu/bvik
  Replies (2) Good night (345) Bad night (466)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag

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  (318): He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag http://tfl.nu/afmg
  Replies (1) Good night (304) Bad night (207)

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