did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the condom got lost in my hair
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
