he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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