I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
