did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
