We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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