i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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