just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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